'Lex

Traumroman No. 2

I dreamt he was so totally apathetic that he'd taken to self-mutilation, he was looming in the abstract architecture of the dream dimension imposing, aggressive as a cliff-face daring a jumper to actually manifest their delusion. I noticed his wrist was utterly cleaved of skin, just a pre-rancid band of mangled, shimmering gristle about four inches wide. He was smoking, and had, I gather, dosed himself to obliteration on morphine and thus, was so totally apathetic that he'd taken to self-mutilation and had carved an entirety of skin off of his chest with the primary intention of witnessing his heartbeat perhaps out of a thirst for emotional validation, all that remained was a cemetery of ribs, sour shapeless flesh, and a void wherein lay his rotten yellow heart emitting a pulse rather than a beat. He was talking in perfect coherence, and smoking. Whilst snug within this phantasmaGORE-ia sickened by the stink of present rancid, shapeless gristle framed by the bland gestures of a boy oblivious to his body-as-wound, revulsion kicked in with profound weight, my head sharply twitching, seeking visual solace from the babbling gore, until the religion of discipline founda fresh fervour in my heart, and out of thirst for emotional validation I steered, willed my head into confrontational alignment with the gore and stared mesmerised, proud at the pulsing cork of flesh squatted deep in his creaking cage, and his babbling ceased. Why wouldn't I want to watch a boy's heartbeat empty of the censorial viscera of skin and muscle?

Valhalla

Stills from 'Un Jour Pas Comme Un Autre' 2006

Tame

Physical History No. 1

Saturday

Man-dolin

Diminuendo

The boy is buttering a slice of toast; he comes up behind the boy, grabs a hold of his left arm, draws it back behind his back; between two layers of grubby denim, a half-erect cock teases the boys buttocks; muffled conversation between apartment walls; he expectorates a thick globule of phlegm into the neat curls of hair gathered around the boy's nape, whispers a sexual threat that would embarrass the wind and make the mountains groan in lament, teases the arm of the boy further around; muscle sheers, ligament tears and a bone snaps, the limb, broken, dangles innocuous as an empty sock puppet; the boy screams an adenoidal, piercing mewl, spins to face his violator, who upon being met by the boy, grabs the available cheeks, leans into his gaping face, coughs up a further deposit of oesophagal slime and expels it into the boy's mouth; takes the chin in one hand the forehead in the other, closes the mouth, licks the lips, jammed tight, his saliva residue parodying a seal; the boy's face a repository for information, sealed shut by the same fluid constituting the information; the boy's face, forced by oppressive grip, tapers into a carnation pout; his captor bites the conjoined, protruding assembly, tenderly, teeth like the jaws of a stapler, pressing delicate imprints into the soft pink beak; no blood, just the embossed history of scattered commas, welding his lips in painful symmetry, grotesque, jutting, indented; the redundant limb suspended in distortion, its dysfunctional angle a gross white flag, a yield etched in fracture; the boy is carried to the bed, dumped, supine; his arm an assinine arrangement pointlessly draped parallel to his torso; conifers fan against the window like inquisitive neighbours; the mountain overlooking the cabin famously creates renegade, uncanny sculptures of the wind; mutates the air and puppeteers the placid, green plumage growing around it; the toast, buttered is cold, stiffening on wooden worktop; satisfied with the boy's impotence he concentrates his charged energies on her, drinking red wine by the softly-lit desk; she stands, he loosens her shawl, revealing slender, rich shoulders, tanned, mottled with the subtle ravages of agriculture, he drinks from the skin of her neck, nuzzles, burying his face in the concave chambers of her armpits, assimilating her aromatic multiplicity, whilst caging his tongue firmly inside his mouth, self-denial catalysing the potency of rich anticipation; she pours him a glass of red wine; they clink crystal vessels, toast to the subterranean currencies of nature, the gaze of the mountain, the elephantine creak of the cabin wrestling into submission the battering winds; the haranguing of the elastic ferns; the minor rapture of natural light, balletic chasers across wall-mounted candle-abras, the joyous complicity of friends emancipated from the stultifying desert of the distant, functional world from which this hiatus manifests a retreat; the glorious absence of families, of judicial units, of prying, scrupulous bandits performing roles of containment, emasculated by the self-exile of this febrile triptych of associates, bound by willingness, pragmatism, prey only to the sublime schism of the skin; the desire for assimilation amplified by its implausibility, repelled by and particular to each other's validation, like components of an atom; she disrobes, thoroughly, he grazes her left nipple with teeth, a mild soreness emerges as a crimson ring; he sheds all garments; her waist is enfolded in muscular, tanned arms; the boy, across the room is groaning; loosening his jeans with his remaining, functional arm; she gazes, feral, lustful into his eyes, which hover impassively, a foot above her own field of vision; pulls her to him, their lips meld, wine is switched, lubricated with saliva, his left hand takes a bunch of hair; aggressively licks a stripe across her mouth, momentarily tongues wed in passing; her head jolts back in synch with hair, ripped back, animal lunge, he fills her, bloated by pregnancy, with his solid penis, initiates a series of piston thrusts, they rock together, deliberately, hair, oceanic, suppurating, marries with skin, saliva, sweat gleams to the surface, lending skin a crude, fetid gloss; the boy aches across his centre, his core palpates with impossible desire; his operational hand claws, pumps his cock in synch with the lovers' metered fusing, seized by longing, his dead arm rendered painless by the singular throes of sudden lust; they giggle, bite, enmesh, savour, he fills her with his flesh, his saliva, conquers her with skin, muscle, beating against and within her; the breadth, weight of his shoulders, blades melting in copulatory tarantella, he is of stunning and enlightened genes, she is governed by his shape, a prepossessing derangement by his primal, coruscating, focused pummelling of her waif-ish canvas; the boy masturbates through decimated tears, broken by exile from the loved and destroyed; whips maliciously at his cock, hopes to sever it, by extension the uncompromising desirous command exerted over his autonomy by the present theatre; he withdraws from her insides, strides across to the boy, straddles him, his torso looming, expectorates into the flooded, red eyes of the boy, shuffles further along his body along the sledge of his matted, soaked legs, and when his penis hangs above the boys face, fully erect, he jettisons a plume of dark yellow piss, it spatters across the boy's mouth, nose, eyes, cheeks; splashes, voiced like tinsel, licked voraciously, swallowed, savoured, absorbed, he needs to become; be wrecked, annihilated, his hair swiftly anchored to scalp by piss; the boy convulses, an ecstasy shadowing into pain of impending absence as he slides clean off the boy and returns to her; she throws an empty wine glass at the wall above the boys head; her face is immediately punched; we conclude with his face; bitch; her cheek blooms roses rimmed with yellow shock; his fist reels back, burrows into her moist gash, finger, finger, delicately, fans out like peacock's tail inside her, the other nipple sandwiched between mandibles, twisted by teeth; cabin heaves, timbers, buffeted by hellish gusts; her hair drapes languid; his fist withdraws, knuckles licked clean, he spits in her face; the boy starts again to savage at his cock, still licking rancid piss from white angel cheeks, damaged by hurt of loss; her face punched again by licked, disinterred fist, she smiles; his penis fills her once more, his hands engulf her buttocks, tipped backwards, she falls away from him, head smashes against worktop, wine bottle clattering down her body, glass nuggets, wine sprinkling her skin; snowflakes, his cock suspended over her, a precipice, he kicks her gash, stamps at it, ejaculates on her stomach, leans in, rubs glass, cum, wine, into her engorged abdomen, blood is relinquished, unconscious, her docile muscles yield to his manipulations, her convex hump of a midriff, mottled with speckled sanguine emissions, a sieve; the boy weeps, a primordial, nasal sighing cry; his cock sore from pumping; enraged by these deferred affections; the boy, lividly shaking; she, body, propped against the worktop, drizzled with blood, cum, phlegm, glass, wine melange, her stomach receives direct, focused blows, new life quakes to a shuddered halt, he takes a blade from the worktop, jams it into her gut, a seismic rupture, her body either hums a crinkle from death rattle or the brutal prompting of the blade's violation; blood spasms from the revised gash, over his arms, coating oily pubescent hairs, a rapist's veneer, like a mushroom cloud tornado, blanketing western ghost towns to splintered ruins; a blitzed caesarian, ripped by butcher's hands untimely from it's foetal carriage, a dead baby meets unmediated air, a debut to this circumstance, brandished like a rattle in his viscous, painted arms, it is bashed against the worktop, snapping, an embryonic flop, a subhuman fold of jeopardised potential, an uncanny, perverted lump of human; the boy ejaculates; a geiser of long-yearned cum arcing over his shoulder; he's outraged by the boy's unsanctioned release; repeatedly slams the baby against the wall, it's soft head crumples; the door blows open, rusted latch flung to bed twisted on the hearth; open fire whipped into salacious fury by the rapier wind; he stalks across to the boy, knife in one hand, abortion in the other, hollers at the boy, a fierce, sick, grizzled drone underpins the ululating frenzied wind; the boy bunches legs into a cocoon, bald arm meanders uselessly, a twig tethered by spurious flex to the rabid, terrified contortions of the boy, face wrapped horrifically around gaping mouth, as sink is to plughole, squealing vortex; he straddles the boy once more, to contain, silence him, soothe him; in one move, pins with the knife the baby to the wall above the boy's head, vision culled to blur by vibrating fear; superimposition of paradoxical emotion; soothe the boy; tears open his legs, making known the boy's unspoilt, almond rectum, occupies him forcefully; hush, bitch; rides him; brusque shoulders framed by skinny, excited legs, pushes his penis absolutely to the hilt, as much as the boy's virgin fundament will accommodate; abortion dripping blood, loose tissue onto bent, agonised face of the boy; arse hungry for the brutal decimation administered by colossal, probing penis; completed by this new addition to his physicality; seizures of ecstatic pain, electrocutive spasms rippling through adolescent marrow, now wholly, exclusively recipient to the violative force of vital male urgency; fevered screams switch basis between excruciating savagery and epiphany's scabrous light; he charges further into the boy, gripping his shoulders, face wrought into concrete sketch of total dedication to the act; shoulders diminutive in giant, tradesman palms, kneaded, skin flowered with white treacle bruises; his hole, brutalised, unearthed, disclosed, wiped out, by persistent, thunderous, elemental shrieks of angry muscle, gutting him; flaying colon; puncturing intestinal vessels, lubed with blood, internal bleeding will signal soon the boy's total, giving, assimilation; animal charging; buffalo girder, battering at young guts, breaking, masticating tubes with zero inhibition; sure death neutering consideration of the needs of the co-participant; needs like life; but this is symbiosis; the boy envelopes, swallows him, thirsting for obliteration; pulverised by male enormity; dwarfed by elemental violation; his penis opens out the boy; his hole blossoms into ragged; stretched portal; guts seep at the periphery; his conscious vista frazzled, hallucinatory; baby ripped off of wall, stuffed into face draining of life; the boys juggled organs coated in explosive gush of ejaculate; blood concentrated downwards, congregating by charged vessels, seminally-enhanced, centring on freshly ripped portal; dead baby slides a callow trail onto pillow; face succumbs to pallor, cheeks exhausted of lush maroon dapples; the boy augments last gaze with desirous panic; he stoops to kiss the boy; lips sated with blood-cum-saliva-fusion; tongues twine like furious foliage; his penis withdraws; guts spill into created vacuum, tongue retreats into head; kiss made period; protracted by vague wash of discarnation; spectral echoes; everything deferred into the boy; an envelope jeweled with marrow, viscera, semen, blood, all of history's architecture walled mute into the question mark of his expiry; he starts to cry; takes the boys cock in his mouth; chin bordered with nebulous stink of organs; nuzzles, chews the negligible, deflating member; weeps into the seething broth of viscera splayed; the fire spreading, enunciates franchises; sibling flames habituate the curtains, discarded garments; stallion brooches lick flammable artefacts into ashen waste; incandescent droplets taunt the cabin; impersonal threat; he wishbone tears apart the boy's flimsy, dead legs, crackle of bone; extant viscera evacuated; launches at the boy with pyrotechnic abandon, visual collapse, evaporates, submits to ultimate nothing, he has become, skin subjugated by erasure, boundaries made amorphous by dissolution of separateness, identity purged by amorphous wake of the named and tangible; demolition; pelvis gleaming through; hitherto invisible shards of firmament; gaseous expulsion; fruit basket putrefying by stove; screams deep, hoarse, bellow; ricochets through smoky crumbling pillars; blasted to fearless absorption by smoke; creaking; boy's face frozen into sated veneer of absolution; dead her vanquished by flames; boy a tranquil navel, peace's anchorage in the nebulizing tumult; flames apathetic in their choice of fuel; caustic dizzy lights make demons belch the clarion of divested real; butchered boy; intestines fanned out from annihilated hole; broken wing idly draped next to corpse made valid by a brutal negation of the incarnate flesh twitches in thrall to the microscopic permutations of midnight's battery winds moulded and directed by glorious, careless flame attaching itself a tango-throttled napalm eating hair a frivolous carrion before lapping solemnly at nubile malted skin with sovereign tongue, skin spoiled into godhead by corporeal salvation slowly yielding morphic ginger fissures latex craters in a deliberate and absolute melt into obliteration as the mountain staunchly surrenders an inaudible bored gasp and eagles coax the vermin from treetops while systems fumble to pathetic stasis and every architecture breaks failed to collapse in a tired submissive heave and all is disordered blown as smoke to the absolute-est nothing.

Nick Hudson

The Heart's Desire

July with Heart and Chimes

LeCoeur

Behind the Veil of Fog the Most Beautiful Boy